Reassessment

Disclaimer: This is a super long, rambling post. You can be kind to yourself and skip reading this one. I blog about it  because it marks a significant point in this quest of mine. 

change of plans!

I began this blog to document my journey to becoming someone impressively creative- and by creative I meant artistically. My primary goal was to get into a good design college in India. I took a 3 month sabbatical citing this as my main reason. Twice in this period, I have seriously reconsidered this goal. It’s not that I like art and design any lesser than I did before OR that the amount of hardwork required of me scared me into reconsideration- it’s that in the attempt to prepare for the necessary entrance exams, I began to see how I disliked the thought of sitting to draw or think creatively just because it was something I had to do as opposed to something I wanted to do. When forced to be creative, my brain’d throw a tantrum and block all creative juices and leave me feeling as creative as vegetable..for days.

Preparation for these exams requires me to be able to render materials and textures among many many other things [including recognizing long-dead politicians by a grainy image of their nose and one eye.I’m serious.] A friend of mine said that the process of getting into schools in India tends to burn you out- and it’s true. I’m going to continue to nurture the artist in me, and if my rendering of  a rubber cup doesn’t look enough like friggin rubber to the examiners, they can take their education and give it to a fantastic-rubber-renderer for all I care. And if I do get an admit? I think it should go to someone who’ll be excited about 2 years of formal education in design and right now, that isn’t me.

And I’ll be honest, I like art and design- but I don’t love it. It doesn’t fill my every waking moment. Yes, sometimes I might think your bum looks like  a heart when you bend over, or that one more pimple on your face would be the final dot in join-the-dots-on-your-face to make a perfect star. But, the one piece of advice I was given by an engineer-turned-artist VERY emphatically was this: DO NOT SWITCH OVER TO A CAREER IN DESIGN UNLESS YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT IT.And I know this- I am not passionate about it. I think..I’m not sure..but maybe I could be passionate about a cause..like upliftment of marginalised societies or something* [not that exactly..but u get it.]. Art is nice and inspiring and all that..and I know I can make art that’s appreciable. That said, I don’t want to make art to serve somebody’s business needs. What I want is to use what I’ve been given excellently and be satisfied with my contribution and continually strive to contribute more.

Also, the majority of designers I’ve come across in the past couple of months have no degree in design. If you want it bad enough, put in the work, you can get there.

So- I’m not focused on getting into a design school right now- not at the cost of days wasted in this creative-coma. These are days of my life I won’t get back; days of my youth that I won’t get back. There is a sense of enjoyment that comes with a sense of purpose and if I cannot enjoy (and i mean ‘enjoy the process of being productive’..I am not asking for a party.) the 3 months I have taken off of work, and instead feel a constant sense of dissatisfaction then- I am doing something wrong. So I released myself from this self-imposed contract and and found the chains that weighed on my creativity broke loose.Yes! ideas are spilling out of me as I type! I feel excited:)

I still want to do something excellent [this blog is named ‘ifancyadoozy’ for a reason:)], but I’m not bound to the idea of being just an excellent artist.

And as for figuring out my ultimate choice of career, I guess I’m one of those who’ll get there by a process of elimination; and that process so far has proved to be a learning experience, so I appreciate it. At first I thought I was being fickle-minded, but now I find that all the dreams I’ve had to date can play out, as long as I continue to dream, to pursue interests vivaciously, as long as I continue to strive to be excellent and use all I’ve been blessed with the best way I know how.
So- this is a bend in the road I am on..and it’s going to lead to exciting places!:) You’ll continue to see art and maybe something else too? I don’t know yet!:)

* It’s easier to think noble things than do them.Most of the time I feel like I’m in the top 10% of the world’s selfish people:/ But maybe the secret lies in getting over innate human selfishness? I’ll figure that out too!

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